i really dont know what i’ve been doing this past month. i have completely wasted a full calendar month. quit my job, gave up on most socializing. my money is slowly dwindling, along with my mind and wits. i just watch movie upon movie, i read my book. i am literally stuck with myself. for the most part i realize im a fun guy but when im with myself there is no fun to be had. i sit here and think. thinking is my worst enemy. sidebar- i dont give a fuck about grammar on tumblr. but i get lost in my thoughts, memories, and just that thing we call life. people are never what they seem, they are never what you wish them to be. you can never assume what you perceive is equally understood by anyone else. i am full of expectations. none of which i ,or anyone else for that matter, ever fulfill. i have been sick for like two weeks and deprived of my main crutch. alcohol.
alcohol is and always will be around to chill
i really wish i could get a do-over on this one. if i could be the happy i once was again.
i am done for now, i dont know how much more of my repetitive babble i can fester up for yah.
I valued it all. Despite my failures. I wouldn’t ever call it worthless. It was held dear to me. At all times. How do I grow from this? Blaming myself. I never enjoyed scenery less with the absence of you. I’ve written a lot of things. Never powerful enough for you. I remember the first time I fell. I re-live it everyday. Foreveralwaysyours. This hell can’t get hotter.